Speak Truth to BS, be civil.
What do you do when someone has a vastly different opinion than you?
Recognizing BS in the culture makes my stomach burn and heart race. I have to do real work to stay calm and grounded when talking with someone I seriously disagree with.
I often will talk to myself, "I know you feel like you are in danger but it's ok. We will get through this."
Brene gives us seven guidelines that help us stay civil.
1) Boundaries
2) Reliability
3) Accountability
4) Vault - confidentiality
5) Integrity
6) Non-judgement
7) Generosity
All of these are helpful in conflict. The one I want to focus on today is Non-judgement. I want to focus on it because it is so difficult and feeling judged is so painful.
Non-judgement moves us from, "He thinks he is so... " to, "I will believe the best about the person".
Instead of, " They don't know what they are talking about!" to, "help me understand your point of view."
Staying out of judgment frees us up to hear other perspectives and look at people in a different light. It breaks down the barriers that keep us from seeing and hearing that the world is full of great people who all have treasure inside of them.
Who have you judged recently?
If you remove judgment what do you see that you didn't see before?
When we stay out of judgement the world becomes a bigger place!
Be Comforted,
Donna Durham, MMFT
